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s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: authenticity is for yourself. it's about tuning into what makes you

it's about thinking about, okay, so like, what do I tune?

Into,

Rob D. Willis: welcome to Superpowered with me, Rob d Willis. Each week I talk to leaders about their superpowers, how they got them, and how you can get them too. If you're new here, please make sure to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts. We've got great guests every week, and today I'm talking to Sima Saxton about finding your authentic voice and relational dynamics

communication is about more than just structure and clarity. It's about connecting deeply with your audience that requires vulnerability and self-awareness, and Sima is the perfect person to help us do just this. She is a moth main stage storyteller, actor, and coach who helps leaders tap into their genuine voice, and she knows how to bridge that gap [00:01:00] between performative speaking and authentic communication that resonates.

Sima, welcome to the show.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: So much.

Rob D. Willis: For people who dunno you yet, could you tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do?

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: I suppose I'm what people describe as a, a multihyphenate, I suppose. So I've got lots of strands to what I do. so I was, I primarily trained as an actor, so I worked as an actor for many years. I still do a lot of voiceover work. that's a lot of my bread and butter work. I am the co-host of a. Popular podcast called Women Are Mad, where we interview a high profile woman each week about how anger has positively impacted her life. I, am a writer. I've just got a memoir that's just gone out to publishers. I have a novel going out later in the year, and I work as a relational dynamics coach and also a public speaking coach.

Rob D. Willis: Oh, so you're busy then. Yeah.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: I'm quite busy. Yeah. Yeah. And I've.

Rob D. Willis: Let's jump into that term relational dynamics. 'cause this might be something which listeners aren't that [00:02:00] familiar with. Could you just share a little bit about, in your mind, what is relational dynamics and how can it help people?

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Sure. So first of all, I would say it's just a fancy term really, for talking about how to communicate with other people and how to move through our lives. So I coach people as a, as a life coach. and relational dynamics is, is the way in which I trained. relational meaning how we interact with other humans basically.

And unless you live on the side of a mountain, only come across sheep, you are likely to interact with humans most days of your life, or most at most points in your career. You know, even if you are a solitary writer, at some point you'll come across publishers and agents. So relational dynamics examines how you interact with other how you understand that there are transactional moments. That there are moments where you tell your story in different ways, and I think that's really how I came to relational dynamics because ultimately, although I do lots of [00:03:00] different things, I love Stories Stories is what I have loved since I was a little child.

You'd always have found me. You know, either writing in my diary or lying in hammock, reading stories I feel are the cornerstone of everything. and it just depends on who we're with or where we are as to what kind of story we tell. So whether it's in the boardroom, whether it's you on a date, storytelling I think is the key to, to everything really.

Rob D. Willis: Well, I am slightly biased. I'm gonna agree with you 100%. Let let's keep with relational dynamics 'cause I love how you've phrased this. Can you tell me what part does authenticity play then, in ensuring that you are having successful relationships with others?

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Authenticity. Okay. So like, it's such a buzzword, isn't it? Mm-hmm.

like self-care. It's much like hashtag be kind. It's much like, any of these terms that we see or see [00:04:00] all over TikTok or Instore at the moment. so I think a lot of us can feel quite cynical when we hear, hear the word authenticity, you know, because, and they think, and people sometimes think, I have clients who think, well, it doesn't really apply to me because I'm a hedge funder.

It doesn't really apply to me. I work in tech, so I just have to execute certain things. authenticity doesn't mean. Vomiting out every aspect of yourself at every moment. You know, authenticity doesn't mean that you don't tell white lies. You know, sometimes in kind of social oiling, authenticity is not really for anybody else.

Actually, authenticity is for yourself. it's about tuning into what makes you so it, so I think often we think of it more as of a kind of like outward action that we're taking in all different kinds of parts of our life. But I do, I think that's the last thing you need to think about. It's about thinking about, okay, [00:05:00] so like, what do I tune into? I've just written a book about undoing, it's called the Year of Undoing. my, the whole premise behind it really is that, every seven years, I mean, forgive me any scientists that are listening, I'm going to slightly misquote this, but every seven years. Approximately most of ourselves, if not all, completely renew themselves.

So every seven years, in a sense we are a completely different person. and I think that is such an important element of remembering why it's so important to come back to one's authentic self. 'cause that self is shifting all the time. So. It's not about going, okay, I'm just going to show up and say I like this.

I don't like this. I feel like this authenticity is also about having. A flexibility and attuning into like what that feeling is inside and that feeling like might [00:06:00] shift. You might sometimes feel attuned to certain things. You might feel connected to certain things, whether that's professional life or personal. and then that might be completely different in 10 years. We know we live increasingly in such a. Binary, polarized world. You know where you are, right? I'm wrong. Which tribe are you in? Do you believe this or do you believe that? But I'm such a believer in the importance of changing one's mind, of, of having, of wearing it lightly and saying. Oh, you know what? I completely changed my mind on that. I don't want to do that anymore. It doesn't feel right to me anymore or, no, I, I no longer like that. I no longer like you. I no longer like being here. And that for me really is key to authenticity before we even begin to think about the other humans that are sharing this earth with us.

Rob D. Willis: I [00:07:00] love this idea of it kind of being an honesty to yourself if people say.

This is, again, internet buzzword. Just be authentic. What are they missing about what it requires to achieve authenticity.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Well, first of all, I would never ask somebody else to just be authentic.

So I think that's the first issue. quite an aggressive stance actually. so that would be my first red flag on that. but just be authentic. I think much of what I just said already, you know, like I. Tune. Tune into yourself and it's a really difficult thing to do, and it's very easy to say, what do you actually want? I think a lot of women in particular, and I often coach women, often coach women who have become mothers. And I think particularly you know, and This is just my experience, but I. you know, women who have had children, for example, you know, I had three children in relatively [00:08:00] quick succession. I would say for about six, seven years of my life.

I didn't really know what I liked. I couldn't quite remember what made me tick. I knew I was okay if everybody else was around. it was all, we had a good day, but I kind of forgot, you know, when I stepped out of the workplace and into caring, you know, for these three young children, I forgot like what was authentically me. So I knew I was happy because they were happy. I knew if the family unit was working. I felt relatively content, I had for, I kind of let it ebb away from me a little bit as to. What my voice was.

Rob D. Willis: I've got the beginning. So when you saw yourself with three children in quick succession, you said that there was a time, a transition that you've been through, and I'm just wondering what did that transition look [00:09:00] like and what steps were there or obstacles.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: quite speedily I mean, I've spoken about this before and that's how, you know, you, you and I were even in touch. you know, my husband's business went through a very difficult time. He went through a personal mental health crisis. And so we changed our lives very much so in how we deemed success to look like, living in central London to moving to the countryside.

So that, but that's still quite a superficial way, you know, that's about like. Making sure the family unit is is all right. That's still not really about me. Like that's Carl's story for him to tell. And,

That's, you know, my family unit. They were, they were all carried through that. But I suppose coming back to me, which is where I've now got to with this 'cause it all, you know, when I told that Moth story, I was really, kind of entrenched in the idea of the family unit. But now I look at where I have shifted because of that. So, yeah, there are some, like, you know, we moved to the countryside, we moved down to this like little lane. But in that, I realized lots of [00:10:00] things about me look, and even silly things like. I'm meant to really enjoy walking through the fields, looking at the rainbows in the sky, looking at the beautiful herds of deer. I don't, I, I don't really feel very much for, the countryside. I love the urban environment. I'm thrilled by skyscrapers and concrete. I'm not thrilled by, mud fields.

Sunshine. Sunsets, beautiful old oak trees. I can see that. They are extraordinary and that I'm, and I'm respectful of that environment, but it doesn't move me or

Rob D. Willis: Mm-hmm.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: me, and I've only really admitted that in the last 12 to 18 months. and that might sound silly, but actually all those different jigsaw puzzle parts of oneself really adds to a much more certain idea of my current identity and my current identity. Is that, I think once you are [00:11:00] aware that your current identity is a certain way, well it's much easier than to tune in what, what you want to do professionally, where you want to be at a weekend, or how you want to spend your time. But it's

Rob D. Willis: Is,

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: I'm

Rob D. Willis: yeah.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: I don't want

people to think I'm saying this and you know, and I'm saying, oh God, you know, just sit in a kind of like lotus position, you know, chant on, Chante on and go, oh yes, I'm gonna move to a beach in Bali.

No, I think you can make significant changes

Rob D. Willis: Mm-hmm.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: little flat, know, with the washing up that hasn't been done with your unmade beds, with your. Chaotic personal life with your hungover self or whatever, you can still make significant changes and shifts in your life in a really haphazard unromantic kind of way.

Rob D. Willis: It sounds like this has been a journey and quite a transformation, and I know that there are lots of little moments [00:12:00] probably where you've been thinking about this. Do you feel there was maybe one moment, which was not maybe a significant event, but it just made you think, oh, I know myself way better than I used to now.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: No, because I, I'm not a believer in. These events, you know, like even when Carl had a, had his breakdown and everything shifted in our life, yeah, there was one moment when he came home. But I mean, other than that, I think that is another, I mean, sorry to say this to you, but I think that's another great live that's been pedaled, you know, that like it's, a, it's like a Hollywood movie, isn't it?

Like, then our heroine, you know, I don't know, looked at the sky and realized, oh my

God. I'm living this life, or Oh my God, this happened. No, I just think it's messier than that. No.

Rob D. Willis: I, agree. It's messier, but I've also found in my own life there have been transitions and sometimes the transition is so messy. You kind of don't [00:13:00] really realize it's happening

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yes,

Rob D. Willis: you think, oh, whoa, it's totally different. I kind of do have what I want now.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: But what was that for you? Like when did you have a moment and you were like, oh.

Rob D. Willis: I mean, without sounding too cheesy, I kind of realized. Not too long ago. Oh, oh wow. I've, I've married the woman I want to, I've got the daughter I wanted to have. I've got the flat I wanted to live in. You kind of realize, oh, I've, I've, I've kind of done everything. I've, I'm

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yeah.

Rob D. Willis: now

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Well, why do you

think that's cheesy?

Rob D. Willis: cause I'm British probably,

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yeah, but it's interesting isn't it, that you have to kind of like go, oh, a bit cheesy. I mean, yeah, that's very pure. I mean, that's very true. Yeah, it, it is true. And you're right, it kind of goes away from the sort of grind set I need to be making more. When you realize you have enough, it is a realization and I think that realization is definitely a moment, or at least it was for me. There [00:14:00] were lots of little steps along the way to to getting it, of course.

Rob D. Willis: And I think probably it's more around the internal transformation than anything external that actually had to happen in me.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: And you know, ambition isn't interesting, you know, like when you say about, you know, like seeing, you know, the woman that you love, daughter that you love, living in a, in a lovely place, it doesn't mean that you're not ambitious, right? Or, or or does it? Are you, do you still consider yourself to be ambitious?

Rob D. Willis: I do consider myself to be ambitious, but there's a big difference between being ambitious when you have enough versus feeling chasing some validation,

is what I feel it was for me for a very long time. For sure.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yeah, I, and I, I would say that that is you tuning into real ambition, right? Because. You know, so a lot of people th thought that I may have lost my ambition, normally move to like this farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. But actually I'm the most [00:15:00] ambitious I've ever been in my entire life. because like you quite rightly say, it is no longer about validation

Rob D. Willis: I'd love to move to talking about your acting career and when we first spoke, you mentioned a particular exercise that a group of actors will do in preparing a scene, which is not about. The lines, which when you are watching a film about actors, they're always practicing their lines.

But apparently that you told me that's not the The real work. The real work isn't connecting with the emotion. And I'm wondering if you could take us through what happens in those sorts of situations and what are you able to convey through that? I guess we could call it authenticity 'cause it's connecting to you.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yes. I mean, first of all, I'm not speaking for all actors, I wanna make that clear. but something that I'm really aware of or have learned over the years with directors is that, yeah, I. Look much like with public speaking, and that's how my training with public speaking often works. [00:16:00] You know, the actual words are rarely that important.

It's like the, it's like the, the often used idea that we've made up our mind about somebody within the first 30 seconds, right? It's the same thing. It's the energy exchange. So like if you're prepping a scene, and I would say, you know, if you are prepping a speech. Or if you're prepping, a meeting, know, it's thinking about like the overarching aim.

So what do you want from that person? if we were acting a scene and, I was going to, I was going to, I don't know, eventually steal, money from you, I say in that scene. My overarching idea is that I want your money. So even if I'm saying, oh, it's great to see you, you, you're looking let's go and do this. Should we make this meal together? Whatever, all those words are infused with the underlying idea that how am I going to [00:17:00] get that pot of money? How am I gonna get him out of the room to get that pot of money? same principle can be applied to anything. And that's what people get really hung up on, isn't it?

When they give speeches, do you, do you give speeches in your line of work? Sometimes,

Rob D. Willis: Yeah. And I, I also do do some work in helping people with public speaking and speeches as well. And it sounds similar to a, I dunno if it's an exercise, but something I help people with, which is to sort of act as if they need to say they want to be collaborative, they need to embody that in some way, and they need to convey themselves as if they are.

Collaborative.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: yes,

Rob D. Willis: And I think if you try and choreograph it, it looks weird. But if you simply approach it with the intention, this is what I am going to be doing, this is what I need to give to my audience.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Exactly.

Rob D. Willis: It's connecting internally. Yeah.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yeah, exactly. What, like what do I, [00:18:00] what do I want? and also it's a weird question, isn't it, to ask yourself, like, I think we can often shy away from that. Like, what do I want? Oh, I don't know. Like, I often speak with some with people and they're like, what do I want? Well, you know, not too much, you know, I'm not asking for, and I'm like, no, no, this is just without any audience what. As humans, we, in every conversation, we want something, even if it's that you want

them to feel better, if it's, you know, entirely selfless. Every single interaction there is a want. and it's so people often find that really hard to kind of go, I want this to happen.

Rob D. Willis: Mm-hmm.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: but actually. I watched a speech really recently. A friend of mine gave this like brilliant speech and she'd had no prep time. The keynote speaker had dropped out she, and they just asked her that she, they know that she's Chatter books and she was asked if she could just get up and like, speak a little bit about failure. And she was like, yeah, sure, but [00:19:00] it won't be very polished, but I'll just get up there. So she got up in front of like two, 300 people. I was there it was just brilliant. 'cause she immediately set it was honest and said, listen guys, a last minute replacement. I want you to know, like, you know, this is who I am, but I am basically Just gonna ball my way through this. And everyone was like, go for it. Do it. Like, people were clapping. And then she just really, she just spoke with stutters. she lost her thread. She like, she broke every single rule that a lot of these, you see them on LinkedIn, these kinda like public speaking gurus who have never really done any big performances themselves, but they kind of often, I don't know, there's a whole list of kinda rules I've seen particularly on those kind of platforms.

But like this woman broke every single rule, like she didn't do anything Somebody would've advised her to do, but, but the one thing she did [00:20:00] do was like, turn up entirely as herself and like spoke really honestly about some failures that she had in her life and how they'd added up towards success ultimately. Uh, and it was a very moving, engaging, brilliant speech.

Rob D. Willis: I know you've actually just sent off, you said a memoir and I always ask guests, if you were to write a, a book or usually a business book about your journey, what would it be called?

Can you share the title of your book,

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Yeah, the year of undoing.

Rob D. Willis: What do you feel led you to choose that title?

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Because I am a big believer I mean, without banging on, on the same theme again and again, I'm a big believer in undoing all that is expected of you. I'm a big believer in undoing all the expectations that have been placed upon you, and I'm a big believer in What you [00:21:00] think other people expect of you? So undoing for me is a really important word. You know, I even think of it as like unraveling a kind of like, knit knitting, like tuning back into like what makes you tick. And as I say, that's not always gonna be great to hear. Is it? It's not always gonna. Oh no. I am really geeky and I really do just love to read encyclopedias and don't like to wear suits, and not happy balancing a glass of champagne and a canopy a party because basically I don't know how to behave in those situations.

If you are that person, that's not always the easiest thing to kind of really acknowledge about yourself. Right. But actually the more you lean into that, I think the more potent you are. 'cause then you tune into what you wanna do. I also wanna say about [00:22:00] humor. I think humor is like really, really underrated as to how important it is for all of us.

Because if you can wear your foibles and your, you know, kind of your ex eccentricities lightly. You know, then you can kind of like, love them a little bit more and be more comfortable with them and lead with them, you know? And actually that's how we as other humans connect with other humans, right? the minute I start telling people something about myself and then I say,

Rob D. Willis: I.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: but, you

know, but obviously I can't cook. so, or, or I, I, I, you know, I don't tell them. my children and say, I have three immaculate children. They are wonderful at all times. We get on extraordinarily well. We are, you know, a deeply loving family unit. and if I, if I miss out the fact that I was, I'm dealing with teenage hormones at the [00:23:00] moment. If I miss out that I'm dealing with like I'm dealing with the ups and downs of, Kids growing up and all the crazy stories that can involve you are not gonna connect with me in such a, in such a way, or, or even with the idea of my kids. But if I tell you like some stories about, doesn't have to be like deeply personal, but just like the reality, the actual reality of being a parent, the reality of what it be self-employed. It doesn't have to be kind of self-flagellating, even just like utterly real. yeah. You wanna hang out with me a

Rob D. Willis: yeah.

Let's move on to some rapid fire. So I've just got a few very short questions. You can give a one word answer if you want. Favorite book on storytelling or communication,

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: I don't read them.

Rob D. Willis: A podcast you like

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: you know, I always go back to this American life. It's been my comfort blanket for about 20 years. and it's probably the memories of [00:24:00] that as well.

Rob D. Willis: One technique from theater, which can instantly or or very much approve communication in business.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: There are no quick fixes and that's the really important thing to, I've taken from my training that you can, you, you can teach some tricks. Sure. And I would say to anybody, be so wary of anybody who can, says I can just like in one session, we can transform your abilities.

Rob D. Willis: Mm.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: I

think it's, I think it's like a, I think it's a lot of work to turn up. As

Rob D. Willis: Mm-hmm.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: in the corporate world, I'm sure as well, or, or wherever There aren't quick fixes

Rob D. Willis: let's move on to the listener challenge, and in this part of the pod, we give our listeners an exercise or a ritual, something they can try out over the next week to get a bit of your superpower. Salima, what have you got for us?

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: Say no. I would suggest that if you feel a no about anything, it can be really silly. [00:25:00] it and see what happens and report back. I'd love to know what happens. It is this like Derek Sives is either a hell yeah or a no. Something that you really, really want to do or just don't do it because otherwise you're gonna be clocking up your time. That's a simple and probably one of the most powerful exercises we've had on the show. Love it. Uh, Salima, where can people go to find out more about you?

my website, which is Sima Saxton.

Rob D. Willis: Great. We'll link to that in the show notes as well as your book. Hopefully it'll be be out soon. Yeah.

Salima Saxton: Fingers crossed. Yes. Yes,

Rob D. Willis: Good stuff. Selima. Thank you for coming on.

s-guest993_1_05-08-2025_110855: My pleasure. Thank you so

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